


All you have is your fire

by broken_fannibal



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (but you dont have to see it that way), F/F, Fem!arthur, Female Friendship, Gen, Genderbending, Girl!Arthur, Girl!Merlin, Inspired by Fanart, POV Merlin (Merlin), POV Third Person, Romantic Friendship, Worry, fem!merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/broken_fannibal
Summary: Arturia doesn´t cope well with a brother she didn´t know she had taking her rightful place as heir to the throne.





	All you have is your fire

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [this art + headcanons](https://blue-and-red-plums.tumblr.com/post/182183458189/my-merlin-fem-au-headcanonsbackstory) by blue-and-red-plums on tumblr. definitely go check it out!

She set the tray with breakfast down on the table before walking to the bed to wake Arturia.

The shock came when Merlin nudged her shoulder and she turned around.

Merlin gasped. Her hair! It was gone!

Arturia slowly blinked and stared up at Merlin. “What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” she grumbled.

Her hair was so short! Merlin needed a few seconds to gather herself before she could speak again. “Your- your hair!” she stammered.

And as if someone had flipped a switch, Arturia’s face darkened. “I cut it off,” she said tonelessly.

“But... why?” Merlin asked softly. She reached out to touch it, ruffled through the short strands, unable to believe the golden locks were gone. “They were so beautiful...” she whispered.

Arturia stared up at her, scowling. “I’m a fighter. I don’t need to be beautiful.”

Merlin frowned. She wondered where this kind of thinking came from. Was it because Morgan had become crown prince and heir to the throne? It seemed likely. She could understand that Arturia was furious about being denied the station she had been told was hers since birth.

But was a drastic measure such as this really necessary? Sure, Arturia had always been a bit dramatic... but this? Merlin found herself mourning the hair. She had loved combing and braiding it.

Arturia pushed Merlin’s hand off her shoulder and got out of bed. She yanked off her nightshirt and tossed it over the screen. “Come on, Merlin! Hurry up!”

Merlin sighed and went to the wardrobe.

 

Just before she left, Arturia told Merlin to burn the hair. She had left it in front of the fireplace, hidden under a coat.

Merlin did, even though a little reluctantly. While she watched the flames swallow up the golden locks, she held onto the two strands she had kept.

She looked at them. It was strange, wasn’t it? Getting so sentimental over hair. She shook her head and carefully put them into her pocket.

Back in her room, she tied one strand into a loop with a leather string and put it into the back of her magic book.

She debated what to do with the second one. She wrapped it around her wrist but figured it would be too easy to spot. Too easy to lose too.

In the end, she wrapped it around her ankle under her sock and enchanted it so it wouldn't unravel.

 

From that day on Merlin noticed that Arturia purposefully behaved less and less feminine. She rarely wore dresses anymore, her hair always a touch messier than necessary. And her mother’s bracelet that she had usually worn with pride, was left to rot in one of the drawers of her washstand.

She trained harder with her knights than she ever had before.

One day while Merlin was watching them she realised why. Arturia felt she had to prove something to them. She felt like she had to prove her worth. Knowing she was heir to the throne was a big part of her identity. Or it had been until it was taken from her.

Merlin was torn from her thoughts when Arturia barked orders at her men and came over to thrust her sword into the ground in front of Merlin. “I want some food now. And clean my sword while I eat. Then training will resume.”

Merlin nodded and rushed to the kitchen.

 

One night Merlin and Leon sat side by side on a bench in the armoury and talked.

She knew Leon was a good friend of Arturia. They had known each other since they were little. He too had noticed the change in her behaviour. But then again... how could anyone not notice?

“I wonder if she thinks we will respect her more if she behaves like us.” Leon mused.

Merlin hummed. “Maybe.”

“But it doesn’t matter.” he vigorously shook his head. “What matters is that she is a great fighter. We have trained and fought under her command for years. No change in station will change the respect we have for her.”

“If only she knew that.” Merlin sighed.

“Have you told her?” Leon asked.

“Yes. Several times. But each time she told me that I had no idea what I was talking about. And that I didn’t know what her life was like, anyway.” Her shoulders slumped.

Leon frowned, his lips pursed in thought. “Maybe I should try to talk to her? Tell her that we will see her the same no matter what, that we’ll follow her no matter what. Whether she’s a princess, queen or our leader in battle.”

It could help, Merlin thought. But it could also make things worse. She wasn’t sure just what it was Arturia needed to hear to make her understand. “You have been friends with her much longer than I have. I think you know better what would be best to tell her.”

Leon shrugged and stared at the floor, thinking. “On the other hand, you have an understanding of her that I don’t.”

Merlin frowned at him.

“Not because you’re both women,” he explained. “You... you understand people better than I do, Merlin. You look at them and you know what to say. I wish I would too. But I don’t.” After a short pause, he added: “Perhaps we should talk to her together.”

Merlin nodded. Though Arturia could assume we’re just trying to cheer her up without meaning it. “It’s worth a try,” she said finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it please consider leaving kudos/comments! <3


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